HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY…OR IS IT THE ONLY POLICY?

My patients have helped me to see the importance of being self-aware and self-accepting. Being self-aware requires that we are honest with ourselves and take responsibility for what we say and do. This means no blaming others, or judging others. When we blame or judge others we are separating ourselves from others, and from ourselves. Pointing a finger at others can feel justified and yet it only creates barriers between ourselves and those we point our finger at. Well, maybe we want a barrier and to be separate. Maybe we convince yourselves that we are safer if we do this because those others just want to take things from us. Ok, then what is next? Often we will find more people to point our fingers at. It becomes harder to trust people. We feel more isolated but who can we reach out to? We have friends who feel like we do but they only complain about others and justify mistreating others. That doesn’t help us to feel less lonely.

What can be do? Well, we can try to stop pointing our fingers at others and start listening to others and even listening to ourselves. Listening without reacting to who we are listening to is a good way to feel some connection to that person and if you are actually listening and not reacting [if you are reacting to them you are not listening] and you feel a need to say something, your brain will tell you what to say. This requires that you listen to yourself as well as others. What your brain is likely to suggest that you say is something that is encouraging and supportive of the other person. This will make it much harder for you or the other person to point fingers. Who knows what might develop? Just have to see what happens.

So, what about honesty. It would seem that to we must be honest with ourselves and with others if we want to not feel lonely and separated from others. Does that mean that being honest is not pointing fingers? Not making others the villains? It does seem to mean that we would be encouraging others to be truthful as if they are not it is harder to be with them and to feel any connection to them. It can be very tiring to be exposed to people who lie as you can’t really talk with them until they stop lying. We can be honest ourselves and know that being honest is the right way to be.