I FEEL ASHAMED

I feel ashamed to be a male in a world that routinely abuses women in so many ways and with out seeming to recognize how wrong this is. There are the more obviously terrible examples of treating women like objects to use anyway males want…like they are not human when in reality it is the men who do this that are denouncing their own humanity. Whenever we males mistreat another it is really like we are mistreating ourselves and dooming ourselves to a life of unhappiness and isolation.

So, why a life of unhappiness and isolation? Everytime anyone mistreats another we are mistreating ourselves as well. Not recognizing the value and worth of another human being calls into question our own humanity as if we are devaluing our own worth. Whenever any of us does not take responsibility for what we do or say, we are guilty of trying to make others responsible for what we do. We [males] can never be happy if we have to blame others for what we are doing as we then depend on them to justify our lack of responsibility. This never works and will lead us to be even more likely to devalue others [and then of course continue to devalue ourselves].

Social media/Social networks have played a role in reinforcing toxic masculinity and rates of depression in males who fit this model have increased. I have seen the isolated feeling that seems to be inevitable with this type of behavior, even with the support of fellow “victims” of women’s behavior towards them. This support is empty and actually reinforces feeling isolated and alone, leading to more devaluing of women and more likely to be depressed.

So, what can be done to stop this terrible treatment of women by men? More men have to make a public commitment to refuse to be disrespectful toward women in any way. This means men have to learn all the different ways that they are demeaning, disrespectful and devaluing towards women and girls. It will also be helpful for men to tell women that they are sorry about all the mistreatment and abuse that the women have had to endure and that they will work for: equality of pay for women; equality of opportunity for women; and respect and commitment for the right of women to determine what happens with their bodies.